Useful Grief Recovery Methods, From a Grief Recovery Specialist

It’s important to know what’s known as the five stages of grief, a foundation of learning how we can learn to deal with the loss of a loved one. It is broken down in six stages that identify the way we might be feeling:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
6. Finding Meaning in your loss (recently added as stage 6 and accepted by the grief community as a 6th stage)

This list might be familiar to you as it’s become common in popular culture, but this would be the time to take it seriously. While it is numbered, don’t think that it works in this sequence - everyone goes through their periods of grief as they come, whenever it comes for them. Let’s work on the stages briefly.

Denial is a survival stage of the process. In trying to come to terms with the loss we reject the idea that it has happened. It goes hand in hand with isolation since you turn away from anyone trying to comfort you, or the things that remind you of that person.

Once the denial no longer works, you shift into the next stage - anger. You wonder why something so unjust has happened and what you did to deserve it. The pain that comes from that has you lashing out at friends, family, and doctors. The frustration seems endless, deep, and like a bottomless pit, but it eventually fades away.

Bargaining is the next stage of grief once you move on from the rage, and towards seeking a change. A religious person prays to God in the hopes of making a deal with them, especially if they’re grieving for a loved one who's dying. You start to look for a solution somehow, thinking “maybe a grief specialist near me knows the way to make it like it used to be.”

Depression, the next stage of grief, is when the full effect of mourning falls upon you. It’s worth reminding that feeling sad is a natural part of the grieving process, but this is the period when it’s at its deepest. You might wonder if there’s any point in going forward once you realize that things will not be the same anymore because of that absence. Unlike anger and bargaining, depression is a quiet stage, but one that’s heavy and can keep you isolated and confused. It’s around this time you might consider the right grief recovery specialist for your depression.

The acceptance of loss might be mistaken as a happy stage to some, but it sometimes isn’t. It might not even be a sign that you are okay with the reality of your loss. It’s more about recognizing what has happened, but keeping memory of it. From there you can start your new normal, and eventually the possibility of a better future.

What that possibility might be is part of the next stage, finding meaning in your loss. It’s not exactly about thinking about the event itself - the death, divorce, loss of business, etc. - but more on the meaning of what that person or thing meant to you. You can also look back at how you have been changed because of the thing that is missing in your life now. From there you can take what gives you love and joy and take it as a way to take action in memory of what we’ve lost.

It’s worth knowing that there’s another model to the stages of grief that’s divided into seven parts. It includes feelings like shock and guilt as well as those of anger and depression. Other stages go deeper into how you put yourself back together toward acceptance, like the upward turn and reconstruction. They might fit more if the way you’re getting by with your loss feels more complicated than the standard model.